Today I recommit to the process of creating a more intimate relationship with my self. I surrender my will. I place my trust in All That Is.
In the fall of 2007 I entered into an arrangement with a mentor of mine to work for one hour, twice a month, on the phone with her to explore, feel, and heal whatever I needed to in regard to my issues around money. Rosa was the first healer I went to after my “Cracking Open” experience in June of 1993 (please read about that in my In the Beginning.. post from last Nov.) and I felt like she knew me and all of my stories well enough to guide me, with ruthless compassion, to the truth. Of course money was not the real issue, but it was (thankfully!) the catalyst for the next phase of my self-exploration and expansion. The root of my confusion, crappy feelings, and sense of lack was the ongoing thought that I was not enough. That belief, born out of some brilliant inner protection mechanism, allowed me to stay small and quiet for many years, but was frustrating the hell out of me. Fifteen years on a spiritual path and there I was, stymied by one tiny thought that I gave absolute power to for nearly 40 years (OK, 43). It was that same path that brought me to the acute awareness that my decades-long journey with my Not Enough ally, and the suffering that went along with it, was about to end.
My commitment to work with Rosa coincided with the reigniting of a romance, which quickly turned into a great love affair. As you may know, relationships (no matter how long they last) are a delighful way to get to know your shadow as well as your light and once again I found myself confronted with my ‘stuff’. Money, commitment, anger, value, arrogance, joy, sex, appreciation, trust… Whoa! There it was, all laid out before me. So what was I going to do with it? At times I hid from it. At times I embraced it. But mostly I let it unfold, asked to see the big picture, and gave myself permission to feel whatever I needed to, to experience whatever I needed to, in order to grow. And grow I have. One years’ worth of relationship, coupled with my commitment to Rosa (and yes, those 15 other years of work count, too!) has catapulted me into a place, an inner realm, that I used to once only dream about. In this time of ‘economic crisis’ I feel perfectly happy and content with where I am financially. I know my worth. I know that things will grow as I focus my positive, abundant thoughts on them. I know that I create value in other people’s lives. I know that I am blessed to do what I do, to have what I have, to be where I am. There is certainly more work to do and there always will be. My relationship changed form as I came to truly value myself. The lesson was learned. The love lives on. I am so grateful to Rosa and my now ex-lover for being there to guide me to the next phase of my Fishing for Soul journey. I am grateful that I trusted myself, my process, and the Universe. I am excited to see what lies ahead. I trust it will be fantastic.
‘As you connect with the brilliance that resides in you – and yes, it lives in each and every one of you – you enable your self to think, feel, and act as if everything will unfold with great ease. You automatically release any attachment to outcome because you understand that Life is indeed helping you to grow, helping you shine, helping you to achieve what you set out to do. When you TRUST THE PROCESS you all ways win.’
– At One
Peace!
Joe
